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SELF LOVE and how I attained it after 30 some years!


What exactly is self love to you?And why is it important to achieve it? The best thing I can teach my children is SELF LOVE. They are reason #2, I am reason #1. I'd like to share a bit about what it means to me and why it was important to find it. My journey began about 6 years ago when I was at the end of an 11 year marriage. I had these urges and feelings that there was so much more to life and that I was lost. The funny thing is, to the outside world it seemed like my life was perfect. I was married, had 4 beautiful healthy children, a secure job, a huge 6 bedroom home, cars, vacations planned, bills paid and time to spare. I was by no means ungrateful or unappreciative of my blessings, but I knew that life wasn't about "Things". I began to really see how horrible my marriage was. Emotional, psychological, verbal abuse and domestic violence. And to clarify, no he didn't physically hurt me, BUT, when I went to see a counselor she asked me if there was domestic violence, I immediately said "NO". Then she asked, "Does he throw things? Does he hit walls? Do you feel threatened?" My answer obviously was yes. She then said, "Sweetie, that IS domestic violence." I thought I'd clarify that just in case any of you are in denial as I was. Moving along, I began to think, I am worth so much more than this. I didn't have a voice. And it wasn't all of my ex husbands doing either. When I divorced him a year later, I was completely lost. I had wanted to be free, but that meant reinventing myself. How the hell do you do that? I didn't ask anyone for help nor did I trust in anyone to completely let them know what had been going on. I was embarrassed.

So began my journey to discover who I am. This is the funny thing about wanting something and having a vision, you begin to manifest. All kinds of opportunities for self development came my way. Its like the universe said, " I hear you, so hear you go!" LOL I went to seminars, read books, listened to podcasts, invested in coaching. Pretty much spent A LOT of money on myself. I have zero regrets, because I am priceless. But, it did come with a price. I started to see clearly and people started showing their true colors. I lost friends, or should I say, my fake friends went away. It was hard, because I have no hate or ill will. They were a huge part of my life for a very long time. I send them love and light when they come to mind, even to this day. During this journey, I even fell in love again, married husband #2! All kinds of blessings happened very quickly. I felt love, I gave love, I achieved self love. Or so I thought.

Fast forward to June 2018, my mom passed away. I instantly became the mother figure for my family. I had to make sure everyone was ok before I could even consider my own grieving process. Crazy I know (its a Virgo thing) But my whole life turned into a downward spiral from there my husband and I separated, my ex husband stopped sending support for my kids, my business wasn't as popping as it normally is, I had a couple of arguments with different family members and I was resisting allowing myself to feel. Here I was, 40 years old. Single mom again. Trying to "keep it together". Then one glorious day I'll never forget, my tears flowed. I had zero control over my tears. I had so many emotions hit me at once! For weeks everything was coming out. I was like a waterfall. I started to feel physical ailments too. Then I made a choice. I told myself, "Get it together Cec" what would you recommend for your clients? I began my own art healing process, reaching out to friends to talk about what was going on, feeding my heart and soul. I slowly began nourishing myself and loving myself like I never had before. Because I never had before. Get it? I am a firm believer that I completely manifested and am responsible for every experience I have had. The good, bad and ugly. The funny thing is, before June 2018 I had been talking to a friend of mine about my Art Healing. I didn't feel worthy. I felt like a fraud in that I wasn't accredited. Or I didn't have enough experience. After last year, not only am I worthy but you can call me Dr Cruz LOL.

Bottom line is this, if it weren't for all of the investing in myself, the experiences, the books I've read, the people I've met on my journey, I would have never understood what SELF LOVE actually means to me. It has nothing to do with getting my nails done, shopping, working out, etc. Those are acts of love because I have Self Love. That is SELF CARE. Self Love is being able to forgive myself and not allow myself to be mean to me, or to call myself names and feel stupid. I can be silly and laugh at myself, embrace my mistakes. Self Love is not allowing yourself to have a toxic mind and spend time with toxic people. Self Love is having so much self respect for yourself that you in fact are selfish without neglecting your loved one.. Self Love is having a so called bad day and working through it with love and respect for yourself. Self Love is doing for others with no expectations. Self Love is being the absolute best human you can be and lead with LOVE, Always. Whew.... I know this is a lot. Thank you for reading it all! And don't forget to take me up on my challenge! For Valentines Day, write yourself a Love Letter! Post it If you dare....